I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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