I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
