Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
