She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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