Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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