That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
