I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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