my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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