five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
