either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
