That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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