I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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