So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
