He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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