They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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