Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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