When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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