I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
