Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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