Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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