arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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