Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My cat gives me a boner
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
