Nicole vs. Life
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
