Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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