I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
