We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
