In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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