I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
