question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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