Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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