Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
