Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
