You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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