i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize