thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
