Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize