Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
