you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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