i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
