she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
