guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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