tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
