From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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