I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
