at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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