I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
