And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bring me that man meat
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
