That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
