i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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