maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
