I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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