is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
