I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
