Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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