The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
