i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
