Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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