She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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