I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
