so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
