Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
