if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
