The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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