Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm at about main and main street
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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