So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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