I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
