someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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