He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Someone came in the potted fern
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His nipple licking is glorious
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