dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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